Something Beautiful
by stillontheboat
Summary: Chapter Four: The malicious glee in his eyes gradually faded into a mixture of worry and disgust. Concerned, he brought a hand to her chin, and lifted her face until her purple eyes met his own mismatched ones.
1. Prologue

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Disclaimers: Cowboy Bebop characters are not my creation. If you do sue, I got to warn you that I own nothing except a couple wall scrolls of Spike, Van, and the RK boys and some miscellaneous burned anime episodes. 

Rating: PG-13. Might be up for discussion if I continue the story.

Something Beautiful

I see it around me, I see it in everything.  
I could be so much more than this.

With one hand high, you'll show them your progress.  
You'll take your time, but no one cares.

I want to be so much more than this.  
No one cares.  
  
Goodbye lovely time.  
Goodbye tin sunshine.  
Goodbye I'll be fine.

-Jimmy Eat World "My Sundown

Chapter One: Naifun

It was going to be one of those nights.

Faye needed her alcohol fix, and she needed it badly. She had a persistent itch on the back of her right hand and an uncontrollable tick on her left cheek. Fingers snapping nervously as she made a harried midnight inspection of the cupboard's contents, she searched for something strong. In her room there was a bright red circle scrawled on her pink Porsche calendar, marking today's date with a brief inscription that she intended to forget with the help of a little alcohol. 

"Damn it!" Faye screeched, the sound echoing loudly in the empty ship. None of the shelves yielded anything stronger than vanilla or cough syrup. However, after a moment of calmer contemplation, she made a few tentative glances to secure the perimeter of the kitchen, crouched down and then proceeded to pick the lock to the ice box underneath the stove where Jet's private stash was stored. As she unhinged the cover, it revealed the booty with a dull thud, allowing Faye to make a quick getaway with a plastic goblet, a bottle of red wine, and a flask of tequila. Once her mission had been accomplished, she settled down in one of the plastic chairs around the dinner table and rewarded herself for her stealth with a drinking binge.

Time passed and with a satisfied smirk that would put her lanky shipmate to shame, Faye raised her glass in the air for the umpteenth time in a salute to her crewmates that were missing from this late night, or rather early morning affair. She made quick work out of the bottle, but before she progressed to the tequila, she sluggishly fumbled around for the pack of cigarettes that she knew was lying in wait somewhere on her person. The only problem was that it just involved too much effort, and for all she cared, Faye would much rather use the ones that were in the left pocket of Spike's frayed blue jacket which hung over the chair next to her. Slumping to the side, she plucked out the cancer-stick box and a lighter, and lit the last one with a maniacal grin, knowing full well that he didn't appreciate her "borrowing" habits. With a deep inhalation, Faye closed her eyes and let the smoke slip back out in a full-bodied sigh.

Faye sat there, frozen in place, dangling the burning cigarette from numb fingers. Her moment of peace had been snatched as quickly as it had come, and left her with an uncomfortable stillness. In a matter of moments, Faye felt as if she could feel the impact of the aging of those lost years in cryogenic sleep.

I'm pathetic, she thought, struck by the ironic poignancy of her position: sitting in the dark, smoking and drinking, and surrounded by all of the empty chairs which were supposed to be filled with friends and family. 

She knew then what it must be like to be old and forgotten. The lonely empty quiet eventually gave way to pulsing silences, filled to the brim with bittersweet memories. 

Someone must have really pissed God off, Faye decided with a sigh as she took a long drag, carelessly tossing the now empty cigarette container at the waste bin, but missing the basket by a good five feet. _Either that or he doesn't give a damn_. Coming to her feet with a heave, she approached the trash, and without bothering to expend the effort of bending down to pick it up, kicked it under the big yellow couch.

Instead of returning to her seat, she wandered over to the window, placed a hand over the cool glass, and marveled at the sparkling heavens before her.

Faye was not religious by nature. In fact, she almost had solid proof that if there was a god, He would have interfered long ago…unless he had a personal vendetta against her as Fate and Chaos seemed to have. It was just one thing thrown at her after another: one more debtor to dodge, or another memory to visualize, or more verbal abuse to withstand, until she became accustomed to the constant barrage, and liked the steady pace. Although it hurt like hell when the memories remained hazy, like an unfocused shadow, or a stray comment hit too close for comfort, Faye supposed that it kept her on her toes. After all, being bitchy took an effort, and Faye had a reputation to maintain.

But there were always those times when she wished that she was mute and invisible to the rest of the crew. Then she would be free to wreck havoc on the tiny cell that was her room, tearing the sheets, beating the walls, screaming her lungs hoarse to vent the pent-up tension that reached a zenith every so often without anyone the wiser. With that outlet, she could walk out and act every inch of the cold-hearted bitch that the rest of the crew perceived her to be without any insecurities and doubts inhibiting her performance. 

I have no such luck, though. Faye had long since resigned herself to a perpetual state of aggregated anger, confusion, and fear. But every so often, she noticed with an uneasy sinking feeling in her gut. She soon recognized it as a growing apathy born from the violent moroseness that she carried around day to day. It traveled cold throughout her veins, making her all too aware of the void within her. It was almost as if there was a separate parasitic entity within her using her as a host. Voracious in its appetite, it would gradually consume her from inside out until there was nothing left. She was all too aware that something had to be done to stop her mad descent, but what it was she didn't know. She didn't think she would ever know. 

She had tried everything to dissipate the stark realization that she would be forever half empty, a pretty face on the outside, but from the inside rotten and on the verge of collapse. Gambling only served to increase her monumental debt, and the series of faceless men and one-night stands only proved Spike right. Liquor was the only thing that was able to block out the caustic tone in his voice and pushed every biting comment and inconsiderate action to the back of her mind, save the hazy image of him trying to suppress a half smile. 

Or was it sneer? I'm too drunk to remember the difference, Faye mused drunkenly.

Faye dropped the cigarette and stubbed it out. Turning to grab the tequila in one hand and Spike's lighter in the other, she strode to her room at the end of the hall, boots clicking softly against the cold tile, and shut the door. Inside it was barren save a small banged up television, a punching bag, and a sparse vanity. On top of the vanity lay the calendar, flipped to the month of August with the 14th circled and marked with a simple message. 

Faye took a good look at herself in the dirty mirror of the vanity. Was there anything different about that face? Any gained hidden wisdom that she was unaware of? Or was it just the mask that it had always served as before? Her eyes, dark and hard, sparkled dimly in yellowed light.

The clock beeped. It was now 12:00. It was the beginning of a new day: August 14.

With a violence that burst from the center of her being she ripped the page of the calendar from the seam and proceeded to rip the page into pieces, rendering the photo of the car into a pile of black and red. As she lit the papers ablaze, the flame transformed into a candle in her blurred eyes, and phantom music played in the background as the message on her calendar that she had been trying to avoid once again rose up in her alcohol-induced mind, following her to bed. An image rose up in her mind of the same day a lifetime ago when she was young. She dreamed of a garden in the fall, sunny smiles and warm hugs, and a group of children with party hats and presents singing a song off key. What were they singing? Straining to hear the fading notes, Faye finally grasped their meaning and saddened.

Happy Birthday.

She woke up shivering, cold and alone. Looking up at the smooth blank wall she willed herself to sleep, but it just would not come. Moving to a fetal position, Faye glanced at her clock.

Faye groaned and cursed. 

3:45 AM.

It was going to be a long year.

End Chapter One

Author's Note: I was thinking of expanding this into a series. Should this just stay as a one-shot or should it be a prologue leading to something more? Constructive criticism would be most appreciated.

Naifun roughly translates into "internal strife/ storm in a teacup". Isn't that imagery amazing? :o)


	2. Chapter One

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Disclaimers: Although Spike looks yummy, I'm afraid that he and the rest of Cowboy Bebop don't belong to me. 

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Rating: PG-13… for now 

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Something Beautiful

__

komorebi no naka de kimi wa waratteta

hiza no ue de neru koinu mo yasuraka na kao o shite...

In the rays of sunlight, you were smiling

The puppy sleeping on your knee also looked peaceful...

sono egao de nanimokamo sukuwareru to omotteta

I thought that with that smile, anything could be saved

kagirareta sora no shita de kieta

ano koro no kimi o omoide ni wa...

Underneath the limited sky, it vanished

The memory of you at that time

-_Gackt "Leeca"_

Chapter Two: Obscurity

She absolutely _loathed_ dogs.

They were hairy and shed all over the place, reeked of trash and filth, and salivated nonstop. There were countless other irritating things that they were capable of doing, and Faye was getting treatedto a first hand encounter with what may have been the canine spawn of Satan.

It had been a nice dream at first; there was a sense of contentment, a warm body behind hers with powerful arms wrapped around her waist. Unable to look up behind her, all she could do was sigh and sit contentedly in her mysterious lover's embrace. Eyes fluttering to a close, she suddenly came back to the realm of the living when he buried his face into her nape and began to nuzzle the soft skin. Warm puffs of air flitted across the highly sensitized surface, and Faye felt her body go slack and begin to throb.

Suddenly all of her senses became more acute: the green canopy of the forest sharply contrasted against the vivid blue of the sky; the breeze carried the tangy wild scent of autumn; and the gentle whisper of the grass in the wind magnified into a dull roar. But just as abruptly as this barrage of colors, smells, and sounds assaulted her, they were quickly shoved into the background as this unknown man continued his comforting ministrations on her.

He unwound his arms from her waist and slowly let his hands trace a path down her back, kneading the flesh in a stimulating massage, working back up, then down her arms, to thread her fingers through his own. Then in a fiercely protective gesture that made Faye want to cry, he formed a cocoon around her body with his arms and legs, stirring up a sense of security that she hadn't felt in a long time. Although she could have easily spent an eternity laying content in this anonymous man's embrace, the need to know his identity steadily gnawed through her happiness. But every time she attempted to turn around and get a peek at his face, he wouldn't permit it and placed his cheek against the top of her hair.

A tiny thread of frustration began to worm its way into her euphoric mood after several failed attempts to see his face. Finally, Faye snapped, broke his loose hug and whirled around to give him a sound verbal beating. But before any words of abuse could pass her lips, the man took the opportunity to put her mouth to better use.

It happened so quickly that Faye was shocked beyond belief, but closed her eyes in response to the sensual onslaught. It was chaste, innocent, and sweet beyond belief, and she found herself threading her fingers in his thick hair.

But then it happened.

It was only a niggling sensation at first, and Faye would be damned before she would break off one of the sweetest kisses in her life to check out what was going on. But then something began to tickle her nose so strongly that she produced an incredibly loud sneeze that shook her to her boots. Stunned with embarrassment, but unwilling to let it stop this wonderful experience, Faye honed in on the kill, when her eyes went wide with surprise with a new and foreign feeling. Was he… licking her??

  
Suddenly revolted by the cold clammy feeling of his tongue on her cheek, Faye grabbed the locks on either side of his head to get a good look at him and screamed and screamed and screamed.

She woke up grabbing a disgustingly happy Ein that was busy slobbering all of her face and breathing his stinky dog breath into her still open mouth which was still poised for another scream. But then her eyebrows began to knit together and her eyes slowly turned into dangerous slits as the shock began to recede. Fingers tightening on the hapless dog, Ein finally came to the conclusion that she was pissed, and successfully wiggled out of her hands and barked playfully at her from her open bedroom door. As she got up and took a step towards the genius animal with arms outstretched, murderous thoughts ran through her head, some of the most delectable including canine fricassee or dog-on-a-stick. Fortunately for him, the little critter decided to hightail it in search of some grub, leaving Faye at the foot of her bed, dripping with dog saliva, and still shaking the last vestiges of sleep from her eyes.

Faye sat back down on her bed and lay flat on her back with her legs dangling off the end, looking up at the stucco pocked ceiling with a sullen expression. She could still vividly recall every detail of that kiss that she had shared with that mysterious man and all of the emotions that it had evoked. But how could she possibly feel so strongly about a dream and a man that was probably the invention of her own subconscious? And then she came to a pause.

__

If I didn't know better, Faye mused, _I would think that it was a memory_. 

After that, she stared straight up with blind eyes in fruitless, aimless contemplation.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~* 

She finally roused herself from bed an hour later, and by the time she finally ventured into the kitchen, Jet was already serving lunch to the rest of the crew. No one eating lifted their head in greeting except Jet, who got up to fetch her a plate of the newest mystery dish that he had concocted out of boredom and lack of supplies. No words were exchanged as the hot plate was placed in front of her, and all that could be heard from the table were the occasional grunt and the sounds of slurping and hasty chewing.

Faye couldn't concentrate on the colorless mush placed before her and idly speared the stuff with her chopsticks as she glanced from crewmate to crewmate in lazy examination. Jet looked as if all of his concentration was in the dish before him and nothing existed outside of his routine feeding. Ed was defying the law of gravity as she sat precariously upside down on her head, balancing her wiry body with one hand and shoveling food in with the other. The wretched Ein was underneath the table, having completely forgotten the events of that morning, and daintily picking through his bowl. And Spike was sitting there nonchalantly, having already finished his meal, with his feet propped up against the table and smoking while reading a magazine.

__

Nothing has changed, thought Faye morosely. _Ed and Ein returned out of the blue from their adventures on Earth. Spike abandoned us to avenge Julia, miraculously surviving after taking on the whole Syndicate single-handedly. Now six months later and a week after Ed and Ein's return, he comes crawling back without even a half-cocked excuse_. 

"What a bunch of shit," muttered Faye as she formed a castle out of her lunch. Spike raised an eyebrow while reading. Jet also heard the comment and spluttered, "Well I know that it doesn't look that appealing, but…"

Faye knew that they had absolutely no insight into her thoughts, but it didn't stop her from taking out her frustration on them. Cutting him off, she tersely replied, "Cut the crap, Jet, I know where this is going. 'When there's no bounty, there's no money. When there's no money, there's no food. And when there's no food, we have to eat this shit.' Spare me the lecture. I'm out of here." She rose from her seat and spun on her heel towards the docking pad. She needed space between her and these insensitive, selfish freaks.

"Where are you going?" Jet called after her. "We need to work on finding another bounty!"

Faye paused by the door. "I'll bring one in myself," she announced finally.

She heard a snort in the background. Faye frowned. _I hope he chokes on his cigarette and dies a slow painful death from suffocation and smoke inhalation_. The mere thought brought back a tiny smile to her lips. Misinterpreting the suppressed glee for greed, Jet quickly interjected and cut off her malicious train of thought with another reprimand. "No way, Faye. If you are going to live under this roof and eat our food –" _Crap_, thought Faye, "—then you are going to have to start sharing the responsibility of bringing in the bounty!"

"I do though! I'm right there alongside you and _him_," Faye pointed at the lounging Spike. "And you know that _I_ was responsible for bringing in the majority of the bounties when _he_ was gone." That comment certainly piqued Spike's ire and he retaliated with an edged barb. "Poor Jet, no wonder you guys couldn't afford any food. I'm surprised that you haven't started eating the pipes. Hey Faye, have you been feeding from your wardrobe? It seems skimpier than usual."

"Shut the fuck up, you asshole."

"I guess malnutrition makes you bitchier."

Faye couldn't stand his sardonic smirk any longer and projected herself at him, ready to claw some nice deep trenches on his face. But Ed's perky voice stopped her in her tracks. "Ed found bounty!" Ignoring Spike, Faye sauntered over to where Ed was sitting cross-legged on the floor, typing codes at rapid-fire speed, and accessed a mug shot of their newest potential bounty. Everyone crowded around the monitor as Spike began to read out loud. "Yubi Watanabe. Age: 32. Allegedly responsible for embezzlement, fraud, 13 counts of battery, 5 for sexual assault, and the mastermind of the N.F.O. incidents on Mars." Spike let out a long whistle. "Well what do you know. He's been wanted by the ISSP for seven years, has remained elusive since that time, probably with the help with his extensive connections in the Syndicate, and is up for a whopping 50 million woolongs."

There was always a 'but', especially with that kind of profile, and Faye intended to find out. "What's the catch?" Spike gave her a look that clearly questioned her IQ. "Besides the fact that he has a record that puts most hardened criminals to shame? Our man has been quite a busy little bee. He also seems to have the deadly touch. Yubi leaves a trail of corpses in his wake." Then he addressed Ed, who was still digging up dirt on the guy. "Where's he now, Ed?"

There was a moment of silence as she produced a map on her screen. "Bee-bee is on Earth." The screen focused on the planet and zoomed in on the Western Hemisphere, and a bright red dot appeared on the western coast. "Ding-dong! San Francisco!" With the location found, Ed picked up her Tomato, balanced it on her head, and bounded off with Ein snapping at her heels. "Let's go find the purply wiggly-dink, Ein!" They turned the corner, and all that could be heard was the sounds of insane laughter, and sporadic high-pitched barking.

Faye was glad to see them go. "How long will it take to get to Earth?"

Jet quickly estimated. "Two hours actually since we're so close; four hours tops." _Good_, she thought, already in the process of charting out locations to target. "I'll be in my room getting ready." She left them to their own business as she started prepping, grabbing her Glock and strapping it to her thigh, and stuffing ammo into the hidden pockets in her jacket. With a couple of hours to kill, Faye decided to take a nap and conserve energy for the big showdown.

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*

Faye woke up a little while later, and she could still remember the dream.

She wished that she could put an end to the dreams. They had come with increasing frequency, ever since she saw her birthday date on her calendar two weeks ago and circled it out of nostalgia. Now that it was actually her birthday and no one had remembered, Faye feared that they would keep coming, because more often than not, they managed to point out all the pitfalls of her pitiful existence onboard the Bebop. Things that she had successfully learned to turn a blind eye to. 

But she couldn't ignore it any longer. She needed out. Now.

As she lay sprawled across the sagging bed, Faye resolved to enjoy her birthday to the fullest. She was going to single-handedly turn this Watanabe guy in, collect her larger share of the bounty, and blow it on a nice gambling binge. Looking down at her faded yellow leather hot pants, Faye also considered going on a shopping spree. _It would be kind of nice wearing something looser and more comfortable_, she thought as she fingered the thin material. _A dress would be nice_. She could just imagine Jet and Spike's reaction to her clothed in something that wasn't so yellow, so tight, so short for a change, but rather in something billowy and feminine. 

Jet would probably have his mouth hanging wide open catching flies and question her mental stability, while Spike would initially gawk and rudely stare. But after they got over their surprise, they most likely dismiss it as a passing feminine fancy and walk away. So, even if she were to reveal the real, softer side of her, Faye would still be alone despised.

Faye snorted with derision and tossed her purple hair askew. Screw the others. This year, Faye Valentine was going to have _fun_. With or without the others partaking in _her_ day, because she knew full well that they didn't give a damn. 

~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*

Three hours later she entered the bar seductively, confidence bolstering her strut towards an empty seat at the bar. She was equipped with an ear-piece allowing her to communicate with Jet and Spike in case of emergency and was relatively at ease with the reassuring weight of her Glock on her thigh. All was going to go according to plan.

Mentally cringing at the disreputable and dingy appearance of the small establishment, Faye signaled for the bartender and ordered for a scotch on the rocks and assessed all of the male drinkers over the rim of her glass._ Hobo, hobo, shrimp, lard bucket, hobo…well hello mister_! Faye almost whistled aloud appreciatively, but stopped herself at the last minute and raked her eyes up and down the shadowy figure of a man three stools away from her. Although he was slouched over his glass and had his knees bent and feet tucked underneath the bar, he still managed to exude a sensual grace with the curve of his back and the circle of his arm. Midnight bangs hung in a messy curtain, obscuring his eyes, but revealed a proud profile. But her eyes were immediately drawn to his mouth. Faye suddenly felt like a schoolgirl again with the depth of emotions that swept through her with only a glance. His lips looked incredibly sexy, with a soft firmness that made Faye flush with heat. Her fingers went slack around her glass as the mantra "men are trouble" ran through her head, when the world came to a crashing halt.

He lifted his head.

It was almost as if he could feel her probing eyes on him. Turning his head slightly, he met her wide-eyed stare with his own. At the moment their eyes met, she felt all of her breath, her confidence, her sexiness slip away quietly until all that remained was the quiet introverted girl that she used to be before the world had issued her fair share of battle scars. 

She remained immobile as his eyes burned into her and stripped each mental barrier that she had erected over the years until she sat there completely vulnerable and naked in his entrancing gaze. There was something familiar if not utterly mesmerizing about his eyes; their brightness and luminescent intensity hid a softer edge, a compassion that made her feel like a kindred spirit to this…

__

Criminal.

Suddenly, Faye felt the world spin away violently. This man was Yubi Watanabe, the outlaw whose bounty was going to allow her to celebrate her special day properly for once. Her heart hardened once more. _He will not get away_, Faye resolved acrimoniously. _I will not let him._ If there was one thing that she learned after she awoke to this strange new world, it was to not trust men. They had robbed her of her money, stolen her life, preyed on her love, and shattered her sense of security. She was damned if they were going to mock her pride as well.

Her inner child screamed for release. She closed her eyes and buried it deep and blocked out the sounds of its screams. When she opened her eyes again, she straightened her shoulders, licked her bottom lip, and sent him a flirtatious smirk that would send any red-blooded male into overdrive. But he remained impassive and continued to bore holes into her soul. Perturbed at the lack of response, Faye abruptly got up and walked to the empty seat at his side. _Calm down, calm down, it's just nerves_. Determined to incite an interest, Faye pulled out all of the stops. Lightly placing her hand by his arm, she casually bent over low enough to present a generous portion of cleavage. He kept the eye contact and his eyes refused to stray. Politely coughing to hide her anxiety, she asked, "Hey hun, my name's Faye. What's yours?"

Silence.

"I saw you looking at me from over there, and I was wondering if I could keep you company."

He took a sip of his drink.

"You from around here?"

He stood up, stretched his long lithe body and began walking towards the door.

"Wait a minute!" _What the hell? _"We haven't been properly introduced!" Faye quickly rose and tried to intercept him at the door. But her heels slowed her down and by the time she had reached the entrance, he was gone. She ran outside and looked both ways, but there was nothing left except the swirling wisps of disturbed fog that he left in his midst.

When she thought things couldn't get any worse, she suddenly heard the ear piece crackle to life and Spike's irritating baritone grumbled across the intercom, "Why is it taking so long? I guess he's not as blind, deaf, and stupid as past bounties. Either that, or he has much better taste in women than we took him for." 

Faye felt like an utter fool. Not only had she been taken in by the mere look of some guy, a bounty no less, but her ego had been shot to pieces, and he had managed to escape the vicinity without a trace. Faye kicked a can with all of her pent-up rage. It bounced twice and rolled until it hit something solid. She watched coolly as Spike and Jet materialized out of the smoky fog and strode over the to the streetlight where she was standing. Jet's face was the picture of frustration, as he approached her seemingly nonchalant figure. He got straight to the point. "What the hell was that, Faye? How could you just let him leave like that?"

Spike stood there, legs crossed, and sporting a smug smile, as if he had known all along that this would be the outcome of letting Faye handle the situation all by herself. "I don't think she had much of choice, Jet. He ran out on you, huh? Didn't think you were woman enough for him?"

"I bet he was gay," Faye defended acidly.

"Too immature to admit that he was immune to your slut routine, Faye? The truth hurts," Spike countered casually as he turned around towards his ship. As he walked away, he inclined his head towards her and made a defeated gesture with one hand. "Denial is a true sign of weakness, you know." 

__

Look who's talking, Faye thought bitterly. _Here speaks the man who childishly sought death because he couldn't live without a flaky girlfriend that ran out on him at the first sign of trouble._ Faye knew better than to goad him like that, though. He was liable to get pissed off as hell and shoot her dead. "Like you would know what it's like to be strong," she scoffed after his retreating figure.

He stopped in his tracks. 

For a moment, Faye's heart stopped, and wished that she could take those words back, because she was certain that he was going to come at her with his gun. Instead, he merely pushed his hands deeper into his pockets, gave her a sardonic grin and shrugged. There was no anger in his eyes, but the blank resignation there instead made Faye feel cold and numb. 

There was a long drawn out pause that lengthened with each throbbing heartbeat. Finally, he looked at her dead in the eye and said quietly, "You're right. I don't know. But even I know that to be strong doesn't mean that you have to act like a bitch." And with that parting, he climbed into the Swordfish, turned on the ignition, and flew off.

Her eyes followed him until the high pitched whine of his engine once again receded into a quiet stillness. When she finally snapped out of her stupor, she realized that Jet, too, had beaten a hasty retreat back to the Bebop. Her plan had fallen through, the bounty gone, and everyone was pissed as hell with her for the lost opportunity. The worst thing of all was the lack of anything to make all of this trouble worthwhile. The chance at the money had dissipated with the abrupt departure of Watanabe. 

Faye sighed. Even her birthday was a complete bust. Even though she had tried to do justice to it for once, with a whole pampering and ego-boost session included, the effort had been squashed before it had been even attempted.

__

There's only way now to properly celebrate a ruined special day as this, Faye thought despondently. _Drink until you properly forget that no one cares_. Fingering the dwindling funds in her jacket pocket, she strode determinedly towards another random bar. Slamming the door open, she gave all of the males in the establishment a quick once-over before she approved of her choice and sat down in a creaky stool and addressed the bartender. After making ensuring that her series of drinks would remain uninterrupted, Faye took up the first shot glass and mumbled a quick toast. "To luck." With that said, Faye threw her head back and downed it in one gulp. After the first couple sets of liquor, she looked around with bleary eyes, and noticed that everyone's image was blurry and unfocused. She was gonna have one hell of a hangover. At the end of her binge, she slumped over the bar, overwhelmed by exhaustion. She thought to herself, "God help me, I'm as pitiful as these losers," before completely losing consciousness. 

No one noticed the silent inebriated woman sprawled across the counter. No one thought to wake her up and notify her family or friends. No one noticed the hidden eyes that watched her under the cover of the shadows. No one really cared.

She didn't return to the Bebop that night.

End Chapter Two

Author's Note: Hello again. As you can see, I've decided to continue this because of you lovely people who left a review and encouraged me in this direction. Thank you!


	3. Chapter Two

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Disclaimers: None of the Cowboy Bebop crew are mine. Boo hoo

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Rating: PG-13…because I'm a potty mouth _

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Something Beautiful 

__

Hard days made me  
Hard nights shaped me  
I don't know they somehow saved me  
I won't look down  
Won't say I'm sorry  
I know that only god can judge me  
And if I make it through today  
Will tomorrow be the same?  
Am I just running in place?  
And if I stumble and I fall  
Should I get up and carry on?  
Will it all just be the same?  


-Good Charlotte "The Young and the Hopeless"

Chapter Three: Watching

The light flickered on and off, briefly illuminating the dank apartment in sporadic spurts, as a tense figure slammed the door open, ripped the molding curtains shut, and began to furiously pace about the dirty confines of the room. His anger was so tangible that it permeated the peeling walls like condensed rage. He could barely contain that barest thread of control over himself as it was, but when he thought of her… He let lose an enraged growl. He wanted desperately to hurt her: break bones and tear flesh until she bent to his hand and submitted to his will. His lip curled in disgust as he replayed the images of her whoring herself, her beautiful body indecently revealed to lustful, wandering eyes. No one was allowed to watch except him. Only him. 

He indulged himself by fantasizing about how it should be. There was nowhere to go, nowhere to turn to, except in each other. It was time to give her a lesson. _She must remember_, he thought as he stroked his cheek lightly, feeling the crashing waves of his ire calm to a more sedate, but ever present wrath. His features twisted into a sadistic smile as he sat down at his workbench and got to work on his newest inspiration. 

It was time to come into contact with the femme fatale known as Faye Valentine. Time to get her to recognize him and reciprocate all of the love he had bestowed upon her. He looked up at all of the pictures he had plastered on the wall, from her walking to shooting to arguing to grinning. It was all there. Unlike those damn crewmembers, and the other filth that she insisted on surrounding herself with, he was the only one that understood her. Just like she would understand him. He would make her understand.

He looked at one shot of her in particular when she was lounging on a sofa; those long legs reclined on the upholstery and revealing miles of smooth silky skin. He caressed the image with clammy fingers, and chuckled darkly. "It'll be just the two of us," he promised her softly, "I'll make sure of it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"Damn it to hell!"

Everything hurt all over. The arthritic cracking of joints, painful soreness, pinched nerves, and dull headache culminated in one evil hangover. Faye felt, and knew that she looked like absolute shit. _Probably worse than that_, she decided disgustedly as she limply tried to maneuver over to the toilet bowl before she hurled more stomach acid. 

When she finally felt composed enough to steadily walk in her boots, she hightailed it, leaving little more than a brief nod to the owner of the bar, who had been kind enough to allow her to sleep off her hangover in the back workroom. When she had asked why, he flashed a smile reminiscent of Spike's, and merely replied, "Shit looked better." Faye groaned, disturbed by the uncanny likeness, and left to escape his less than rapier wit.

Once she was up in the air, she placed the Redtail in autopilot, and gazed down thoughtfully at the rapidly shrinking civilization. Earth had more pock marks from meteors than metropolises nowadays, and the surface from above tended to resemble a blown up image of a hormonal, pimply teen. _And what a pathetic sight that is_, Faye thought as she wrinkled her nose. But for some reason, it didn't incite the shame that she had been brought up on the trashed planet as expected. Instead, she felt the reawakening of something inside that was curiously saddened by the prospect of leaving. Although the memories hadn't returned, she still felt a faint pull of familiarity every time she walked down the dirty crowded avenues, and looked up to bright blue, unlike the murky red of Mars, or the interminable fog of Venus. As the ship left the stratosphere and approached deep space, Faye traced the outline of the shrinking planet on the cold side window with one shaking finger as a stray memory materialized out of nowhere. 

__

She lay her palm flat against the cold glass, fingers widespread, completely eclipsing the shrinking image of Earth. Her home planet was fast becoming yet another sparkling dot in the vast blankness. With the disappearance of a world, was the closing of the first chapter of her life. She had never been so alone, so completely immersed in reality as she was now. No longer was there the family to hide behind or the home to run to; nothing but this curious isolation that made her feel numb: like a piece of driftwood floating on the turbulent crests on the open sea. Nothing to hinder it. But nothing to guide it either. 

She glanced around at the other passengers aboard. The initial excitement that gripped the majority of the crew had long since faded. Stewardesses had already begun taking orders from the passengers, and a couple of children escaped their seatbelts and ran about the narrow aisles. Quiet conversation floated through the cabin and soothed her growing anxiety. They were all blissfully ignorant of her presence. No one could possibly recognize her.

"Miss?" Faye snapped out of her stupor to look up at the awaiting stewardess. "Something to drink?" Shocked at her recent bout of absentmindedness, Faye placed her order and looked outside her window. 

Her family had all sat there, crushed with defeat, but nonetheless supportive of her decision. Everyone except Emma. She was adamant against her dropping everything: her family, her career, her life, to start completely anew somewhere else, on a different planet no less, a place where she would be vulnerable to all of the elements, both good and bad. "She's smart," she declared, "but definitely not street smart. She'd be dead in an hour." But everyone began working through their apprehensive misgivings. They began to support her move to Mars. She panicked. "Why can't any of you see reason? Darling, we are your family. This is what families do. We'll take care of you. Don't worry. Do you understand? Darling?" But her pleas fell on deaf ears.

Emma sulked for two weeks before she finally gave up.

A week later they all came with her to see her off at the station. They all kept up a positive front for her sake. She knew them and saw through the weak façade. Beneath the sunny smiles and warm hugs, were silent tears of pain, and for that she loved them all the more. "I'm doing this for me," she told them, "Not to run away, but to learn to live on my own two feet. To know that I can overcome my own pitfalls and mistakes without holding someone's hands to step over them. I want to be free."

They nodded in unison and smiled. They understood. She turned around and made her way to the gate with sure and confident steps. She had to say one more goodbye. 

"This better not be goodbye for good, you know." A figure materialized out of the shadows. It was Emma. "Because if you don't call us as soon as you make it to Mars, I'm gonna hunt you down so fast, you're head will spin." She glared.

"I love you." Emma's gaze softened at the soft declaration and she pulled her into a hug. "Don't forget us," she whispered fiercely, "because if you forget the ones who love you, how will you find your way back home?" A connection passed between the two, but it was disrupted when the PA sounded. Last boarding call. She wriggled out of her loose embrace and gave Emma a little winsome grin. "You'll get the call. I won't forget." With a wave of her hand and a last parting smile, she was gone. 

But now that she was safely stowed on the ship, she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. She had made it. Although she was alone, exhausted, deflated, and terrified to an inch of her life, she was still victorious in her endeavor. Or was she? "I've come this far," she muttered as she got up to go get some tissue from the bathroom, "I'm definitely not going to flake out now." As she stood up, and walked down the aisle towards the back of the ship, she wondered for the first real time where she was going to go from there. She had never really given it much thought before now. All she had before was the hazy idea of getting a job, and becoming self-supportive. But the details were still unclear. Would she live on Mars permanently? Or would she just stay for awhile and return home? Would she be able to stand the loneliness?

The bathroom was empty. She stepped inside and locked it. After she got what she came for, she looked at her reflection in the mirror and scrutinized it carefully. Messy purple locks were hastily pulled back in a low ponytail, and dark bags circled red swollen eyes. "What's so special?" she said aloud balefully, gesturing to her face. "Nothing," she consoled herself. "I'm nothing. Nothing's good." She took in a large calming breath and opened the door. 

She wasn't prepared to face what lay on the other side of that door. 

"Oh my God…"

She let loose one loud shrill note of terror before she was silenced with a blow to the head. All she saw was black before she succumbed to the numbness.

_No one noticed._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Faye! For the last freakin' time, answer me!"

Fayestifled the impulse to scream when a heavy hand grasped her shoulder and shook her roughly, snapping her out of the gripping dream sequence. She looked around dazedly. The Redtail had already landed aboard the Bebop and the cockpit was opened, with an angry Spike hanging off the side like the lanky baboon he was. 

"God damn it, woman, what's wrong with you? You've been staring out into space for the last ten minutes. What did you do last night, binge drink?" He sneered. "I'm glad you realize that you were the one that fucked up, but seriously, you need to start acting your age. Everything can't be solved with the bottle." 

He shook his head in exaggerated pity. Insulting Faye was the highlight of his day, and to see her in such a condition, ready for the kill, filled him with a sense of vengeful satisfaction. 

"Killed off the last of the scant amount of brain cells you had last night, eh?"

She didn't respond. She couldn't. Her muscles were still frozen and stiff, and her hand was still poised over the window in oblivious contemplation. The lingering fear just wouldn't go away.

Spike nearly fell off the side of the Redtail in surprise. Faye _always_ talked back; she never let a single comment get by. What was with the complete about face? The lack of response was becoming more than a little disturbing. 

"Come on, Faye. Cut with the 'turn the other cheek' crap, all right? Your saint act grew old way too long ago." 

Dimly, Faye wondered if Spike would mind a hug. Right now, all she wanted to do was burrow into Spike's shirt, and sob out all of her frustration. Then she could bury her nose into his shoulder and immerse herself in his comforting scent of tobacco and pine. She may have longed for freedom in her past life, but she sure as hell knew that she didn't mean this isolated hell- cut off from all physical human contact.

__

Did she trash herself that badly? "Faye?"

Silence.

The malicious glee in his eyes gradually faded into a mixture of worry and disgust. Concerned, he brought a hand to her chin, and lifted her face until her purple eyes met his own mismatched ones. He looked deep in the empty orbs and sighed. Sadness bled into his gaze as he witnessed the degeneration of an ice queen.

"You can't even speak, can you?"

All he got in reply was a blank stare.

End Chapter Three

Author's Note: I'm going to have to apologize in advance if Spike and Faye become too OOC. My justification for Faye is that she's gone through three years more of shit, including the death and reappearance of Spike. She's passed the breaking point and it's only a matter of time until she cracks. Spike…. well, Spike is Spike. xoP


	4. Chapter Three

****

Disclaimers: I wished for Cowboy Bebop for Christmas. But Watanabe-san still hasn't forwarded the title rights to me yet. 

****

Rating: heavy PG-13 or light R, whichever way you look at it _

Something Beautiful

Everything's so blurry 

And everyone's so fake 

And everybody's empty 

And everything is so messed up 

Pre-occupied without you 

I cannot live at all 

My whole world surrounds you 

I stumble then I crawl 

- Puddle of Mudd "Blurry"

The malicious glee in his eyes gradually faded into a mixture of worry and disgust. Concerned, he brought a hand to her chin, and lifted her face until her purple eyes met his own mismatched ones. He looked deep in the empty orbs and sighed. Sadness bled into his gaze as he witnessed the degeneration of an ice queen.

"You can't even speak, can you?"

All he got in reply was a blank stare.

Chapter Four: 

Faye trudged past the Redtail silently, leaving Spike to stand alone in the dark, sharing his thoughts with the shadows of the hangar. Purely on autopilot, her numb legs led her to the bathroom; the steady clicking sound of her boots echoing down the narrow empty corridor. A dog barked, and a furry head butted into her leg, but Faye barely registered the touch, and gave the annoying object a half-hearted kick. A canine whimper sounded, followed by an indignant human squeal, but Faye moved to block them out with a slam of the bathroom door. The breath slipped out of her until she was deflated, shriveled and spent. 

__

The taste of terror still lingered in her mouth, pungent like fermented bitterness.

She was so tired. Her body was steeped with a bone-weariness that pulled at her limbs, and tightened the skin around her eyes, making her appear pinched and haggard. Her thoughts were a chaotic mess, all intense emotions and stilted dialogue, save one single clearing in the forest of confusion: her brief recovered memory. 

__

Dots still marred her vision as she recollected the blinding color of confusion.

"What's the point of this memory-shit finally starting," Faye murmured to her hands, "when all I can see is a scene lacking a beginning or end, with no background or follow up." 

__

Menacing hands reaching out to grab her.

She paused and cocked her head in contemplation. "Just…"

__

The desperation of being the prey: coagulated shock, a flash of pain, and a final darkness that was frighteningly decisive. 

The fan whirled overhead, as Faye faced a grim conclusion. She had been hiding from someone, and from what she could gather from the brief snatches of scenes and emotions… 

__

A swallowed cry.

"It must have ended badly."

The fan stopped for the moment, as if it were choked by the tension radiating from the stiff figure below. 

__

Before she had succumbed to the pain, there it was- from out of shadows that hauntingly familiar smile looming out from the shadows, twisted with sadistic pleasure, and swallowing her screams in an empty void.

She stood there silently and would have continued to do so, hadn't the excited barking and babbling of a certain duo returned down the hall. Their noises bled through the door, sporadically punctuated by squeals and giggles. The limitless cheerfulness mocked her moment of self-pity. Faye hated it. By the time they traveled through the door and reverberated in the bathroom, the once melodious and carefree sounds steadily became warped and viscous until all that remained was a coagulated cacophony of bitterness and derision.

There was a tentative knock. "Faye-Faye 'kay? Taking awhile in the long-john!" A laugh sounded right outside the door.

She couldn't take it anymore. Faye clamped her hands hard on her ears and raised her face towards the ceiling. "Damn you, will you just go away?!" With a sudden burst of energy, Faye fisted her hands and kicked the door hard, almost freeing it from its hinges. In her mind's eye, the image of a persistent Ed and Ein was superimposed over the faded wood. 

Silence.

__

Finally, Faye groused, _they finally shut up, damn busybodies_. But the lack of sound from the outside world failed to silence the angry chaos from within. The slow throbbing pulse in her head combined with the garish stilted images of her flashback culminated in a frightening rush of blood to the brain and almost brought Faye to her knees from the pain. Faye cringed and bit off a yell. _Fucking hangovers hurt less than this._

She stumbled in front of the toilet, lowered the seat, and sat down. Lifting both hands to her pale face, she clutched at the purple locks on either of her forehead as she struggled for peace of mind and willed for her headache to disappear. But the son of a bitch persisted and remained. _Kind of like a certain green-haired idiot I know_, Faye smirked nastily. 

Her eyebrows knit together in studied contemplation as she continued to ponder the idiot known as Spike. She scoffed. "Primitive Neanderthal. He's such a prig. It's all: 'Me, me, me', 'my, my, my', 'now, now, now'. I swear it's no work at all being a bitch when he's one too. Why can't he just keep his mouth shut for once?" 

__

Or maybe put it to better use.

She stopped short when she visualized an accompanying image and blushed as red as Ed's hair. _Where did that come from?_ Luckily for her, if there was one thing that she had learned to do with ease after her awakening, it was to deny, deny, deny. _Think happy thoughts. Like that Peter Pan freak_. But she had more important things to think about than a stray thought about the lunkhead. Like her current appearance. Faye caught her hazy reflection in the shower door and grimaced. She hadn't showered in what felt like ages and she was questionable as to what had been on that couch with her last night. Consequently, her blurred image made her hair look like rotting, molding…

__

"…scabby, lard-filled, maggot burger with turd on the side!" Childish giggles erupted on either side of the playground. A gangly girl stood imposingly over the shocked little boy, and made to punch his lights out, before he ran away with a squeal. The crowd of onlookers dispersed as quickly as they had come, leaving the fourth grader, save one. The fourth grader sighed. The little girl was still sitting there dumbly, like a purple-haired rock. She could tell that she was sensitive about what others said to her, but this was getting ridiculous.

"Hey, you!" No response.

With a groan, she approached the sniffling kid and proffered a hand to help her up. She didn't move to take it. "I know he said some pretty mean things, but seriously! Stop proving him right!" Slowly, the other girl looked up and met probing gaze. The other girl grinned fiercely when she saw her big green eyes. 

"You're cute, Darling, but you need some guts. First things first: we need to add some words to your vocabulary." Pulling her up, they walked over to the flip bars and "Darling" was introduced to a whole new world filled with rapid fire insults, playing dirty, and street smarts. 

By the time the lunch bell rang, her first lesson was over and they stood up to go back in. Before the taller girl ambled off, the other girl timidly asked her for her name. The other girl grinned and started running back to class before yelling over her shoulder, "Emma, and don't you forget it!"

Against her will, Faye's lips quirked at the corners into a reluctant smile, and the pain that her headache had been causing began to recede into a tender aching. Intuitively, Faye knew that the voice sounded faintly familiar, a long-forgotten relic from her ancient past and first life. Hope dimly bloomed in her chest. 

Loud, obnoxious voices floated into poke at her hopeful bubble.

"Ed, give me back the remote!" Scuffle. "Damn, I'm getting too old for this."

Just a little more…

"Don't watch this, Spike-person! Ed wants to do this! Spike-person ought to try." 

Faye began to clench and release her hands spasmodically, in time with the tick that appeared under her eye.

She waited for movement. There was a lull in the conversation as Ed presumably acted out what she had suggested as a substitute for entertainment. A short pause ensued, ended by a loud thump.

Silence.

"You're right, Ed. This tastes good." A delighted peal of slightly maniacal laughter drifted into Faye's tiny compartment. Faye sighed. The painful headache had now been replaced by a weary resignation. Deciding to ignore her own problems for the rest of the night, she just hoped for the sake of future generations that their abnormal behavior wasn't hereditary, in the case that any of them actually succeeded in procreating. As Faye got off the toilet seat and turned the knob to leave her private sanctuary, she was fairly sure that she was prepared to take on the fatherly glare, the giddy smiles, and the sardonic smirk that was the Cowboy Bebop crew. But Faye soon realized that she was apparently _not_.

It only took three seconds before Ed noticed the opening door, and shrieked, "Ed's got a surprise!" Suddenly, a bright mop of hair obscured her vision as Ed dropped from the ceiling to hang upside down by her feet. Bright and curious eyes met her irritated ones resolutely, and suddenly with a demented smile, as she swung her whole body in one great lurch towards a startled Faye. Before she could make a move to escape, they cracked heads, and Faye nearly fell from the impact. Putting up both hands to massage the throbbing temples, Faye was ready to give Ed the discipline she had coming to her for the last thirteen years. If it was one thing that she hated, it was immature, hyperactive kids that ran loose like rabid screeching monkeys. "Put a cap on it, Ed! What the hell are you …"

Her tirade was cut short as Faye looked on blankly as Ed deposited a small string-wrapped package in her hands. "What's this?" She asked cautiously, listening intently as she shook it a bit to discern what its contents were. Barely any sound. Letter bomb? Faye gave the small box a decisive shake. "Can't be a letter bomb. Who would take the time to send one to me?" Faye thought absently. _Only people who know I live on the Bebop are the crew itself. And unless it's Spike, I doubt the rest would seriously want to maim me_. 

"No clue, Faye-Faye!" Ed chirped happily, grabbing the package and taking huge leap-frogs out of the bedroom into the television area where her faithful Tomato was propped at the foot of the couch. Placing the box carefully beside her, Edward Wong Hau Pepelu Tivrusky 4th, otherwise known as the infamous Radical Edward, began to do what Ed's do best. Typing with their toes upside down, of course.

For a moment, there was silence save the tapping of busy toes, until Tomato emitted a loud beep, which was quickly followed by Ed's pronounced, "All clear, Faye-Faye! Nothing in there to make the Bebop go 'Kablooey!'" With a short nod of thanks, Faye caught the box by the string and strode off to open it in privacy. Ed made as if to follow her, but her attention was quickly diverted when Tomato beeped again and a message popped up on her chess forum board. 

"What?" Ed gasped. The unimaginable had come to pass. "Someone thinks they can defeat Ed?" She signed in and entered the game arena. The screen was infused with a rush of smiley faces. "Ed thinks not!" With a click of the mouse and a high pitched cackle, Faye and her mysterious package were soon forgotten.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I guess Ed found something else to entertain herself," Faye thought amusedly. She cut off the sound of the hacker's delighted ramblings with the click of her bedroom door and ambled over to the bed to further investigate her package. She wondered what it could be. She kept turning it over and over in her hands until she had the feel of the coarse brown paper engrained in her head. 

"You know," she said to herself in a chiding tone, "it's most probably a compilation of all of the debts that I've accumulated over the years, typed out into one exhausting list." The thought of the lecherous, smarmy money-sharks made her cringe. "Well, let's see what those greedy bastards have to say." She reached down into her lap. For some reason, though, she had a feeling that it wasn't from them, and her heart began to pound with growing excitement.

She untied the knot. 

There was something awfully familiar about the fibrous texture of the hemp string. Slipping her fingers along it evoked the beginning stirrings of… 

She ripped the seam. 

"Fear? That can't be right," Faye murmured. "What's so life-threatening about a bit of tie?"

She tore off the paper. 

Faye carefully scrutinized the naked box. Nothing suspicious. And yet, warning bells were ringing in jumbled chaos. After living six years on the road with only her wits to get her by, Faye had learned to abide by those instincts. But why were they so adamantly opposed to a stupid, cardboard…

Carefully, Faye opened the lid. 

The smell of jasmine floated out and captured her senses in a divine rush. As it infused the room in its heavy scent and fell about her, all of the breath whooshed out of her lungs, leaving her eyes wide and body drained in utter shock at the sight before her.

"Oh my God."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ed's hand froze, poised to click and end the sorry excuse for a game, when a loud scream echoed throughout the Bebop. Jet paused in his cooking to lean out of the kitchenette to nail a questioning glance at the yellow couch, where Spike had also raised his head in inquiry. All was quiet, until Jet finally decided to break the silence. But Ed beat him to it. "Was that Faye-Faye, Jet?"

Jet was perplexed. "Sure as hell if I know."

Spike shrugged and returned his attention to the television. _Damn woman_.

End Chapter Three

Author's Note: I'm so sorry about the delay! I got entangled in two impromptu road trips one after the other, and now with school starting, I'm a bit under the weather. Luckily, though, I already have the next chapter outlined, so that should be out soon. 

I would also like to thank all the people who have reviewed my story so far. You guys are awesome, and I hope I don't let you guys down! :o)


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